Yesterday my friends and I went on a little shopping trip, got acai bowls, and of course made a trip to Starbucks. I have a serious caffeine addiction, people. I cannot go a day without a cup of coffee in some form, or tea if I’m trying to cut back on straight coffee. I don’t know what it is about this academic year, but the stress I’ve felt is immense, unrelenting, and growing each day as finals loom in the not too distant future. I try to relieve stress whenever I can, but the truth is, no matter what I do, I question myself. II question if its just this semester, or something greater that’s making me feel unmotivated, and I’m trying to figure out why my motivation is in the dumps. I’m usually so Type-A, and I still am, but not about classes. Lately I just want to blog, read the newspaper, and learn from everyday life, not so much a classroom setting. Perhaps this is what many people call being burned out, or simply a “rough semester,” and I hope that is true because I know that I love school, and I love English, and I know what my end goal is. I guess maybe I should stop complaining, and instead just push through the disinterest in my classes to achieve my goals, which at the moment include getting a summer internship and eventually getting accepted to a top law school.
But enough about complaining, and on to what I wore this weekend. I never really felt like I could wear baseball caps. I always felt like a little kid, and like they just didn’t work for me. However, this year, I bought a baseball cap from the SMC bookstore, and I love it! It makes covering up bad hair days easier, and it protects my face from the sun! I burn so easily, but having a hat is nice because it keeps my face shaded while I attend baseball games, go hiking, or take walks around campus. I feel like I am becoming much more confident in myself as far as style goes. In high school, I always felt so insecure about my style because 90% of the girls dressed similarly. I was afraid to step out of the box, and try something that I liked, but was unsure if others would appreciate. But then, as I entered college, I realized it doesn’t matter if other girls like my outfit as long as I do.
I realize that college is 90% academics for people like me, who plan to attend a graduate program, but I think one of the biggest things I’m learning is balancing a social life with strong academics. In high school, I often sacrificed an active social life for high grades, but in college I’m making sure that I give my classes my best effort, but still set aside time to spend with my friends because one I throw my final graduation cap, I will be entering the real world. Not that college isn’t the real world, but I think the difference is that college has a bubble feel. But alas, what I mean is that once my academic career is over, I want to have something in my life other than my career. I want friendships, I want laughter, I want smiles, and I want people to lean on when I get old enough to get sick of working. I want people I can call to get a drink with on my way back from the office, and I want people to cry with about how we wish we could go back to college, where life was easier. I guess what I’m saying is, I want people. I want authenticity, and I want bonds that cannot be broken by the weight of the world.
I’ve included more “fun” photos in this post as a way of showing that seriousness and perfect are all fine and dandy, but sometimes its important to let loose, and let your true, silly self show.
wearing: top: Gap (sale) // jeans: Luck Brand Charlie fit // shoes: Toms // watch: Michael Kors // ring: Tiffany and Co. and Kate Spade
Happy Mother’s Day, ya’ll. I miss my mama so much, but I know she’s having a good day working with my sister on her first house.