Read this when… Someone Massively Disappoints You

Read This When Someone Massively Disappoints You.png

Hello, World.

A few weeks back, I published a post called, “read this when you feel like quitting.” I like the concept of “read this when…” articles, so I thought I might make a series out of them and offer my advice on pivotal moments that happen that lead to a need for encouragement. Hopefully, I can be that encouragement for you when the things that I write about happen (when you feel like quitting or when someone disappoints you).

If you read my article on dating, you know I have “unrealistic expectations” about relationships. When I was younger, and well into adulthood, people have also told me I set too high of a bar for friends and other people in my life. I’m impossible to please. I, personally, don’t think this is true, but do we ever think negative things about ourselves are true? Regardless, I do expect a certain amount of respect, understanding, compassion, and authenticity from the people in my life. If someone misses the point and allows me to second guess their intentions, their character, or their investment in our relationship, I will cut them off. Cold turkey.

This might seem harsh, and it probably is, but as I’ve gotten older, I do not stand for being made to feel silly, unimportant, or betrayed. I don’t really throw the “bully” word around with much frequency, but I didn’t have an easy childhood when it came to friends. I was consistently friends with people who made me unsure of where I stood. Would I walk into class and have my best friend smile or glare at me? Then there was the time in middle school that I got to school and no one would talk to me and no one would tell me why they weren’t talking to me. It was like the scene in Gossip Girl when Serena is trying to talk to Nate after Blair finds out about Serena and Nate’s hookup, and Nate literally refuses to acknowledge Serena. He just won’t speak or look at her. I’ve been there and it’s the worst feeling in the world. I later found out that some girl was annoyed at my friendship with her friend, so lied and told her that I had said a bunch of stuff I had never said. Classy, right?

Then came high school and friends weren’t much better there. I had a few people who I really liked, but some hurt me and I continued to be wary of trusting friends too much. Then came college and holy shit. I had female friends that were badasses who I trusted wholeheartedly and who were so positive. They also communicated with me when we did have disagreements or something happened that hurt one of us. It wasn’t me guessing what I did. Instead, my trusty friends said simply and calmly, “hey, you did a thing, it hurt me, and I want to talk about it.” So we talked about it. We apologized when we knew we should, talked about misunderstandings when they were the cause of the argument, and validated each other’s feelings. It was crazy.  I mean, who knew female friendships where you built each other up and respected each other existed? Before college, I didn’t know they did. I don’t want to glorify my college friends, but most people pale in comparison to them if I’m transparent. But what I want to talk about today is the moments when you get that call or text or cold shoulder that you don’t understand and how to handle it.

We don’t intentionally hurt people (unless you’re a psycho, in which case you have bigger problems). However, sometimes we just do. We just hurt people because of a miscommunication, misunderstanding, etc. When we’ve hurt someone, we have to be accountable for that. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, it’s a matter of recognizing you hurt someone and apologizing and trying to understand their point of view. The absolute worst thing you can do when someone expresses that you hurt them is getting defensive and saying, “I’m sorry you’re hurt.” That’s essentially the most mansplaining way of apologizing. So, what happens on the flip side? When we haven’t hurt or disappointed them but they hurt or disappointed us?

Well, let me begin that conversation by offering a little anecdote. When I was an RA, my team and I had a strategy for dealing with residents who broke the rules. Rather than say, “I’m so mad at you! How could you?!” or get really heated, we said calmly, “I’m just disappointed.” There is something in the word disappointment that hits people in the gut. Well, it hits them in the gut if they respect you enough that they don’t want to disappoint you. So, when residents acted out, we pulled that ever-present parent card of “you disappointed me.” That line elicited far more actual apologies than anger, annoyance, etc. The residents who didn’t apologize didn’t really like me, so I wasn’t surprised when they didn’t apologize or express upset at disappointing me.

In friendships, we hurt people. Friendships with no disagreement are like relationships where the couple never argues. It seems fake and unrealistic (see? I don’t think perfection is indicative of strong friendships or relationships!). When you’re friends with someone, especially for a long time, you’re probably going to have issues at some point. There are certain areas that lead to conflict in friendships: religious differences, political differences, moral differences, personality differences, the girl code, etc. I remember when Landon on Southern Charm said there was no girl code, and I disliked her even more than I already did. No wonder she doesn’t have many female friends, right? She doesn’t believe in having respect for other women’s relationships and lives. All of the differences can be mitigated. Your friend is very religious and you aren’t? Well, if religion isn’t discussed 24-7 it probably won’t be an issue, especially if you have mutual respect for each other’s beliefs. However, there are some things you just can’t come back from and that is when that gut-wrenching, head spinning feeling of disappointment washes over you.

I’ve woken up feeling hungover on more than one occasion, and not because I drank too much, but because someone I considered a friend massively disappointed me. It’s a terrible feeling, but you know what’s worse? When you bring that disappointment and hurt to their attention and they explain your feelings away. Like I said earlier, conflict in friendships should never be about who is right or who is wrong. It should be about understanding why and how the person is hurting, apologizing for causing that, and acknowledging that regardless of intention, the hurt happened. Apologizing to a friend isn’t about going through the motions. If the words, “I apologized, what more do you want?” leave your friend’s mouth when you’re hurting, take a good, long look at them, appreciate the good moments, and then walk away because they were never really your friend. Your feelings are not an inconvenience and even if they believe that your hurt is irrational, they should care enough to make it right, genuinely and fully. The ‘friend’ doesn’t get to decide whether or not she hurt you, all that she gets to decide is how to make it right and if she fails, she fails. A good friend will listen and apologize when you’re hurt. She doesn’t get the right to say what is and isn’t hurtful to a person. When a friend wrongs you, s/he loses the right to tell you s/he didn’t wrong you.

The feeling of disappointment that comes after an argument with a friend is hard to recover from and feels a bit like you’re just floating, weightless and unsure, trying to find a firm footing, but realizing the rug’s been pulled from beneath you. Trying to recover is difficult. My advice when someone massively disappoints you? Allow them a chance to explain. If they are receptive to your hurt, attempt to understand, and genuinely say you are important to them and that they will make it right, give them another chance but be cautious. If, however, they explain away your feelings, tell you or imply you’re irrational, or insist hurt is a matter of right and wrong, you have the answer you needed and that answer is that your life will be better, healthier, and more positive without their influence. Again, it can be a very difficult battle to fight the urge to let someone like that back in because you — at one point — thought they were important. I’m here to tell you, they are not. In ten years, you’ll be happy you let them go now. This is an active step, which helps you lead a more active life.

How did you deal with a friend disappointing you?

For more on toxic friends, see here.

Truly,
Callie leigh

Advertisements

Are the Bad Boy and the Bad Friend Really Different?

If a friend treats your with the same tenderness they'd treat gum on their shoe, they may not be your friend..png

Hello, World.

I was in the fourth grade the first time I was friends with someone who consistently hurt my feelings. This may not seem unusual, I mean fourth graders can be pretty rude little creatures. The thought of my precious niece having to deal with “mean girls” in elementary and middle school makes me physically sick. I dealt with mean girls from a pretty young age. I used to think something was wrong with me. I used to think it was always my fault that something was going wrong with friends. Then I realized that kids change their opinions on literally everything so frequently, it’s hard to know if changing their mind about friendship is personal or not. However, when you’re a fourth grade girl who hangs out with her best friend one night after school, getting stomach cramps from laughing so hard, only to walk into class the next day and have her glare at you and ignore every attempt to talk to her, it’s hard to see that behavior as anything but personal.

Fourth grade and my twenties aren’t that different when it comes to friendships in all honesty. People say romantic relationships are riskier than friendships… I disagree. I personally invest far more of myself into a friendship than I do a relationship. Maybe this will change, but when I make friends, I want to be friends with the person for a long time. Also, I think it’s easier to feel less afraid of a friend hurting you than a potential suitor. How many of us go into friendships with the same guards up as we do when we’re dating someone new? We aren’t as guarded because we haven’t necessarily been scorned the same way by our friends. Sure, friends have falling outs as the years go by, but friends drifting apart is natural. It’s something that people typically don’t bat an eye at in life. Oh, you grew apart from so and so? Ms. Whatshername stopped calling after moving to a new place? That’s just part of life! I once wrote an open letter to the friends I’d fallen out of touch with, and I think falling out of touch is healthy sometimes and it really is normal. As frustrating as it can be, sometimes life just takes people different places and you’re no longer speaking the same language.

However, sometimes we don’t drift apart from people, even when we should. Some friendships seem great on the surface but are actually terrible for us. Why is it that we can recognize a bad boy a mile away, and know immediately the boy is bad for us, but when a bad friend is staring us down, we pretend like the boy and the friend are not made of the same cloth? We’ve grown up hearing about the exception to the rule in men. The Mr. Darcy versus the Mr. Mayer. There is a nice guy out there, just waiting to be found. Yet we don’t have the same scrutiny when it comes to friends. We accept friends like free samples handed out in the mall. We meet new people, find a common interest and bam! We’re friends. There’s so much less fear, no endless moments of thinking, “am I doing this right?” I’ve had a lot of unhealthy friendships in my life. In fact, those mornings in fourth grade made me scared that I was going to walk up to my friends one day and have them not like me, partly because the pattern that started in fourth grade was repeated in eighth grade and sophomore year of high school, until one day I decided to just stop trying to be friends with people who couldn’t decide if I was worthy of their friendship. If they couldn’t decide, they didn’t deserve my friendship. However, when I got to college, I encountered a group of people who were constantly rude to me for no apparent reason. My fourth-grade insecurities came to a head, and I ended up ugly crying in my towel to a friend. That’s when I made the decision final: if someone was going to treat me with the same amount of concern they would treat gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe, they didn’t need to be my friend.

Toxic friendships are hard to spot. They come in all different forms, some friends are passive aggressive, some are aggressive, some are so hot and cold the constant fluctuations give you whiplash. The first time I saw a toxic friendship play out in a big way was in the movie Something Borrowed (book and movie). Ironically, my oldest friend and I joke that we are similar to Darcy and Rachel, but not because of the toxicity of their friendship. We’re just opposites who happen to be best friends [the similarities stop there, though. Trust me.]. Anyway, Darcy and Rachel seem to be best friends on the surface, but the deeper you dig, the more you realize the friendship is incredibly draining and Darcy is consistently acting in such a way as to belittle Rachel. Though they seem like such great friends, the friendship is killing Rachel. No friend should belittle you. I had a law school friend who I talked to a ton first semester but took a step back from the second semester. The perception of myself as a law student, without their influence, was a stark contrast. I no longer felt like I was doing something wrong for not getting something immediately. I don’t want to go too far into it, but let’s just say I realized, with some distance between us, that their small comments were actually contributing heavily to my self-doubt and feelings of incompetence.

I’d like to conclude with this: you may not recognize a bad friend with the immediacy you would recognize a bad boy, but you should develop enough confidence in yourself to know that if someone is making you feel less than or inadequate or like they’re doing you a favor by being your friend, you’re most likely better without them.

tumblr_oil2n7EPSV1siu46ro1_500

Have you ever had a toxic friend? How did you know? What did you do to change the situation?

Truly,
Callie leigh

Sunday Six

Hello, World.

Today I wanted to share 6 things that are currently on my mind, or at least that have caught my attention recently! Given how much social media there is, and sharing everything, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the stuff out there. Sometimes it’s easier to sift through, and pull out the things that really left an impression! So, here are six things that I keep thinking about recently. tumblr_obngibp8b31vbn0u6o1_1280.jpg

  1. this article about why modern dating is the worst, which I feel like nicely supplements the post I wrote about being single in our 20s.
  2. Plated! I ordered my first week of Plated, and spent last week making the meals. Although one meal wasn’t my favorite, the other two were great! I really liked Plated because it makes me feel like I can cook, helps me improve my cooking, and makes sure I’m eating good meals that are the right proportions.
  3. Truckernuck new arrivals are making me so excited for fall and cold weather!
  4. Katy Bellotte’s instagram is so inspiring. She’s having to time of her life in Italy, and I can’t get over all the beautiful photos she’s been posting. Law school has sort of killed my Instagram game, so I love inspiring accounts.
  5. This article about friendship, and how friendships change over time. I’m not one to really overthink friendships. I try to take them slowly, and it usually takes me a while to figure out who I really want to surround myself with. I do feel like, however, that friends can ghost you way more than guys. All this talk about guys ghosting, and we never even think about how friends do it too.
  6. This pair of pumps is so adorable, I just can’t get over it! Definitely would be perfect for the holiday season.

And there you have six things I’m loving or relating to!

Truly,
Callie leigh

An Open Letter to the Friends I No Longer Talk To

Hello, World.

Today I want to talk about friendship, but not the positive, building each other up, being there always friendships. Instead, I want to focus on the friendships we lost. A lost friendship can take on many forms. Sometimes we just lose each other because our interests become so divergent we sit in awkward silence at every meet up, and sometimes we lose friendships because people can only have so many friends at a time, and sometimes we lose friendships for seemingly unexplained reasons, which are the losses that hurt and confuse the most. There area lot of things I could say to people I fell out of touch with, but to sum it up quickly: I mainly say “I hope you’re getting everything you wanted out of life, and I hope you’re living your life fully, and I hope the world treats you kindly.” But today, I want to address those friendships that I lost for apparently no reason, the people who stopped calling, despite desperate attempts to pretend like life just got too busy and it wasn’t personal. Let me tell you: it felt personal. It felt like you just stopped caring, and I was easily replaceable in your life, and also, it’s extremely obvious when you’ve been talking shit but don’t want to act like you have. There are some friendships that stand the test of time. I have two friends that I still try to talk to regularly from high school. We’ve lived different lifestyles, we’ve changed a ton over the college years, and yet, when we get together there is nothing but love and appreciation for what the other person is doing. Those are my personal friendship goals: to stay immensely interested in the people I care about, and tell them I care about them, even if our lives are in slightly different places.

tumblr_muq8gqtnle1ry50ioo1_500.jpg

To use a pop culture example, Serena Van Der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf declared war against each other more times than I can count in the six years that Gossip Girl was on the air, and yet when one of them needed something, the other ran to their rescue. They knew that friendship, and friends who are like family, are the most important thing. They never let their differences divide them, and they never let a little time or hectic-ness kill their friendship. They made a point to be in each other’s lives. Let me repeat: they made a point to be in each other’s lives! Even when they couldn’t relate perfectly, or were doing different things, or were making poor decisions, they remained there for each other. Damn. I don’t know many people like that. I applaud this fictitious friendship, even if it had unhealthy moments. I think one thing that made their unhealthy moments redeeming was their ability to communicate and call each other out.  The more you can openly communicate hurt, frustration, or outright irritation with a friend, the better. Anyway, let’s get back to what I would say to those people I miss, but have somehow lost along the way. tumblr_o7fvdigwsw1uazrj9o1_500

Here’s to those friends I want to call, but don’t know if it’s worth it:

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we both made less and less effort. I’m sorry for the times you tried, and I was awkward because I was hurt and frustrated, but didn’t feel like you’d hear me if I tried to explain. I’m also sorry it became so painfully obvious to everyone around us that there was a wedge between us. When I’m hurting, it’s easier to listen to the friends that are there for me, and they were all reiterating what I was already feeling, which is that you stopped trying to be my friend, and had clearly replaced me. When we were in public, and you just walked past me, that’s the first time I felt a serious sting. Sure, there had been moments when I felt weird around you, but I hadn’t flat out felt like I’d been unknowingly kicked out of your inner circle until I was standing there, and you just walked past without so much as a hello. I tried for months to blame someone other than you or I, but that soon failed because the more we interacted, the more I realized it wasn’t our busy schedules or living apart or anything but the mere fact that you’d found other people for your circle, and as a result there wasn’t room for me anymore. I’m sorry that I texted you for multiple months straight, only for a majority of texts to go unanswered. I also felt a little [read: a lot] unwanted or excluded when you repeatedly used terminology meant to imply a group I wasn’t a part of.

I felt hurt and annoyed when I asked you almost daily for almost a month to hangout and the response was that you had to touch base with your other friends, like hello am I not fun enough? I also just want to say that when I see you in public with our mutual friends, and they act weird, it feels like there are [negative] things being said when I’m not there. Also, I was friends long enough to know this assumption of shit talking wouldn’t be unfounded. I also knew we weren’t really friends anymore when I stopped knowing the big things going on in your life, and you never asked about mine. We may have been dealing with different stuff, but the fact that you stopped being there for me in most ways, signaled to me you didn’t care if we were friends or not. Casually mentioning you miss me and we should hang out doesn’t cut it when I openly expressed to you months prior that we were drifting apart and it felt crappy. I hate cliques, and I don’t like terminology that implies cliques. If you want a clique, more power to you, but I’ll go ahead and bow out of it. I want to reach out to you, ask where we went wrong, but I already know it’s pointless. You’ll point to reasons like “busy lives,” “work,” and when I acknowledge your friendships with your roommates didn’t change at all you’ll say, “I wouldn’t see these people if I didn’t live with them,” which in my opinion is a lame excuse.

I have friends I didn’t live with that I remained as close to or got closer to. For the record, once you get out of college, you probably won’t live with those people anyway. I think the biggest reason I’m sad is that we had some really good times together, and I really enjoyed your company, and  felt like we would be friends for the long haul, and then all the sudden everyone and their mother seemed to interest you more than me. I’m sorry if I offended you when I said certain things, but you offended me when you cut me out of your life without a care in the world when I didn’t do anything. Though I suppose I wouldn’t know if I did, since you didn’t let me know, which you could have since we were close. I’m sorry if I was boring or not interesting enough, but we used to always have fun together. I was the person you called when your other friends were annoying. I don’t know when I stopped being that person.

I wish you nothing but the best, and I wish we still talked, but I also now understand why you lost certain friends throughout the years.Yes, I have high standards for my friends, but I feel like if you cared enough, you would have risen to those standards. Also, next time we’re at an event, and you can’t find the people you came with, don’t come to me and expect me to act like you’re not with me because your first option isn’t in sight. Either be all in or all out. I’m tired of pretending we’re still friends when you are so clearly checked out when it’s not a situation where I’m the only person around. People change, maybe we changed, but I think if our friendship mattered, we both would have fought harder to keep it. I wish one of us would have had the guts to address the distance between us, and not just cover it with fake niceties. I don’t really know what else to say other than I miss you, and I hope you have a great life, and maybe one day we’ll talk, and it’ll be easy like it used to be.

If you could say something to a friend you’ve lost, what would it be?

Truly,
Callie leigh

Staying In Touch Post Grad

Hello, World.

With graduation a little more than a month behind me, and my move to Virginia about a month ahead of me, I keep thinking about moving from so many people who have grown to be like family. Some of my close friends are going to be returning to SMC to continue their undergrad years, and others will be entering the workforce or beginning a graduate program. It’s hard to fully wrap my head around that fact. I’ll definitely miss having the convenience of living on the same campus as most of my really good friends. However, I’m ready to get to my new stage, and begin the next chapter of my life. I’ve been trying to be more intentional in my ability to stay in contact with people. Though it is superficially easy to stay in touch–Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, etc.- it’s difficult to really engage in meaningful ways with friends that don’t live close. Today, I want to share my top tips for staying in touch when you don’t live in the same place as someone, but want to stay close with! Also, as a general aside, true friends don’t need to talk everyday to stay close. True friends don’t need inseparable contact to stay close to each other. It should be like practically no time is spent apart when you’re finally in the same place.

Screen Shot 2016-06-30 at 1.37.48 PM.png

  1. Schedule FaceTime Coffee Dates | With virtual “dates” or meetups so easy, I think scheduling time to talk like you would if you were in the same place is important. Try to treat the friendship like there is no distance, and that you still have time for each other. Make a point to have a coffee date that is standing, whether it’s weekly, bi weekly, bi monthly, or monthly. It’s important to be able to catch up, “hangout,” and see each other!
  2. Group Text Updates | When something big happens, send it in a group text.While it’s annoying to have a phone constantly buzzing because of group texts, but it’s also cool to be able to just say, “hey this is what I’ve been up to. How are you all?” See what everyone’s up to, have a quick update. I tell my friends everything when I live near them, there’s no reason it should change when I don’t!
  3. Hand Write a Quick Note | Send along some thoughts in your own handwriting. It’ll show you care, and also is a bit more meaningful than an email or text.
  4. Be Understanding, and Reach Out | Not everyone has time to talk everyday. Chances are you won’t even have time to talk everyday. However, It’s important to remember that people get busy. If you don’t talk for a while, know that it’s non one’s fault, and just try to catch up and be understanding!

How do you stay in touch with friends that live far away?

Truly,
Callie leigh

December Daily: Days 1-5

Hello World.

I know I’m a bit late in sharing my December Daily, but I have a bit of a rationale. This was my first time doing the project, and I waited until the end of December to print all my photos. Then I started Jan Term at my college, so I really only had time to scrapbook when I had down time. On the bright side, I found scrap booking really therapeutic and calming in the midst of law school applications and stress. So, I’m so so happy I did the project, that I completed it in a somewhat timely manner, and that I now get to share it with all of you! My sister also participated, so I’m hoping that she’ll let me share her book when she’s done with it (she’s WAY more creative than I am, so I’m sure it’ll be amazing).

Anyway, I’m going to do a series of posts where I show my entire album. This post is dedicated to days 1-5 (week 1 of December). I’m so excited to share my project because I spent a lot of time on it, and I am really pleased with how it turned out! So, here are are photos of my album, front inside cover, and first five days.
IMG_2644IMG_2646
I got the white 6×8 album from Ali Edwards originally, and got my sister the red. However, once I got them in the mail, I liked the red better and the white seemed more like my sister, so we traded. I’m happy we did! I love the vibrant red. It just feels like December! On the inside front cover I used a silver glitter star sticky, a word strip, and a cute 25 button from her main kit. IMG_2647
For my intro page, I used a transparency that says, The most wonderful time of the year, layered over a plaid page. I adhered a small white tree on the plaid page! I really liked this combo, and preferred to use it to open my album rather than try to figure out where it would fit in later. All supplied came in Ali’s Main Kit 2015. IMG_2649IMG_2679
Days 1 and 2 of December flew by, and I didn’t get as many photos as I wanted. However, I screen-shotted one of my duty partner’s Snapchats, and used it. I also used photos from my duty team’s outing to get a hall Christmas tree. On the back of the Christmas tree photo, I adhered a piece of scrapbook paper, and did a little journaling using one of Ali’s 3×4 cards. IMG_2678
As far as my favorite weeks in December go, the first two weeks were a bit tricky because I was still in classes, and was quickly approaching first the LSAT then finals. To say this made for exciting photo material would be a lie. I was honest, though, about what my days looked like! On the 3rd, I went and got coffee while it was raining, and there were leaves everywhere! I also got a ton of mail from law schools, so I took a picture. That way, years from now, I can look back and remember the chaotic time that was law school admissions. I also received my only black Friday purchase, this bow bracelet from Kiel James Patrick. I was SO excited! The fourth was the night before my LSAT, so I spent the evening watching Gilmore Girls with my close friend, and drinking peppermint tea, trying to calm my nerves. IMG_2650
The 5th was the day of my LSAT. I felt good about it, and was so relieved it was over. Though I still didn’t get the score I necessarily wanted, I was happy that I did my best. In the evening, my school newspaper had its staff dinner. My friend, Evelyn and I took the LSAT in the morning, and celebrated our work at the paper in the evening (she’s Co-Editor-in-Chief!) Once the LSAT was over, it was time to buckle down for finals, but I thoroughly enjoyed the night after the LSAT (wine was very much included).

So, that wraps up the first five days of December! I hope you enjoy following along with this project as much as I enjoyed doing it!

Truly,
Callie leigh

Dealing With Stress, Senior Year, and the LSAT

when the road diverges postHello, World.

I know I haven’t been blogging much this semester, and that really saddens me. Essentially, I had a moment at the beginning of the year in which blogging lost its appeal. I started having major self-doubt. This is the one space I have that is completely my own, it is what I make it, and it is the one space that I have that is unrelated to my academic career and everything else I do. Now, I know it’s not totally unrelated, but what I mean is that this is the space that I have completely because I enjoy it. I do blogging for me, and for blogging’s sake. I love blogging, but some things sort of turned me off to blogging for a bit. But alas, I’m back with a renewed sense of purpose and love for this space. So, my apologies for my absence, I plan to get back to blogging consistently.

I wanted to start this post with an update about my senior year of undergraduate education. This semester’s been a whirlwind, and not in the best way. This semester I have the LSAT, my sister’s wedding, my thesis, my role as an RA, my role as AHC co-chair, law school applications, and then my social life. I have a little too much on my plate, and on top of that, I’ve been sick twice (which is HIGHLY unusual for me). I think my body is boycotting the level of stress I typically operate under. But alas, round one of LSAT didn’t go as planned, so I will be retaking it in December right before finals. The law school applications themselves are going well, though I pushed back my submit date in light of my first LSAT score. My classes are not the best I’ve ever taken, but I’m doing well enough. My thesis is amazing, as I love my adviser, and I feel confident the finished project will be strong and something I’m really invested in. My sister’s wedding was probably the best day in years. It went beautifully, and it was so much fun! I plan to share lots of photos and a few thoughts about it later this week. Being an RA is going great, I love my new building! AHC is busy, but I’m so passionate about it and invested in the mission of the Council, that it’s worth all the hours of work.

Now for my social life. Senior year is difficult on this front. Everyone is super busy, which I totally understand. The hard part, though, is that I live alone. I don’t have roommates who I see because I live with them, and I don’t have the luxury of spontaneously getting coffee with my friends late at night because we’re stressed and have hours of work left. I have to plan social time. The difficult part is that everyone is busy, and frankly, most people assume I’m busy or unavailable. People also seem to invite me to things more as an after thought when I ask them if they’re free on Fridays. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get that everyone is busy, but it can get really lonely not having roommates. Some of my friends say I’m lucky because I have alone time. This is true, but only so far. There are nights when I order in because all my friends are getting food with their roommates, or going to a movie, and I can’t go because I’m working or have something the next day. I probably sound whiney, and maybe I am, but loneliness is different than solitude. I’m okay with solitude, but loneliness can be taxing on a person, especially when that person is already extremely stressed, and no longer feels like they have a solid support system. I’m also having some majors feels about the fact that my friends and I are graduating in May. It’s only November, and I already feel like we’re going in a 100 different directions. I’m scared for what the future holds, and I’m anxious about which law schools I’ll get into. I’m also on the cusp of a major change (if I end up on the East Coast for school, or move to a totally new area). The idea of being separated from all the people I’ve grown to love over the past three years is nerve-wracking, so maybe that’s why I feel more mopey than usual. I don’t want to separate from them now, I want to have until May 22nd, and yet I feel this inexplicable distance.

To clarify, senior year is going great in a lot of ways, but I’m also getting a bit emotional and nostalgic as I realize this is the beginning of the end. This is my last year at Saint Mary’s. Man, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Sure, I wish I felt more supported in certain ways, but my RA family understands the lonely aspect, and my parents call daily to check on me and assess my stress level. I’m thankful for those who do make an effort to see how I’m doing, and who actually hear me when I bemoan loneliness, the LSAT, or stress. Senior year can be hard, so remember self-care is extremely important. Remember, you’re not a robot and you’re not perfect, and it’s completely okay. Surround yourself with laughter and friendship and understanding, and you’ll make it through. I look forward to finishing the semester strong, figuring out where I’ll be next year, and looking ahead to another great adventure. Saint Mary’s is a fantastic place, and I’m cherishing the last academic year I have here.

What’s been stressing you lately? And how do you handle the stress?

Truly,
Callie leigh

100 Happy Days Challenge

Image

Hello, World.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I am currently partaking in the 100 Happy Days Challenge. It’s a super fun challenge where you post a single photo a day to either Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. You can also email your photos to the 100 Happy Days people if you prefer to not share publicly. This challenge stood out to me because it challenges you to consider what makes you happy each day. A few days into the challenge, I realized coffee made me happy, almost too much. I realized I needed to take one or two moments a day to figure out what made me happy, which was both rewarding and odd at times. I started this challenge with my friend, Kate, and it’s more fun doing the challenge with a friend because I get to see her photos, and it helps keep me accountable to continue the challenge because I have someone to do it with! Since we go to school together, we joked when we first started the challenge about how we basically had similar photos everyday because we were always doing fun things together! Summer vacation is great because we get to see what each other is up to on the days we don’t talk, and see what is making us happy in the summer months.

Maybe you’re thinking:
100happy-days-why-would-i-do-that
The little book you get if you complete the challenge sounds like such a keepsake! I feel like it’s going to be a great book to put on my coffee table one day so I can remember the end of my sophomore year of college and summer 2014, as well as what was making me happy at the moment. In light of the fact that I’m a little more than halfway through the challenge, I thought I would share some of my favorite photos from the challenge so far!
100 happy days 1
cupcakes (gluten free) with two of the girls from Academic Honor Council | coffee coffee coffee | my dorm room when I first moved in versus on move out day. sophomore year flew by | shoots for fashion posts on this blog | coffee and homework the week before finals with my lovely friend, Erica | and, you know, more coffee while shooting photos on a different day
100 happy days 2
working on an adorable, summery puzzle with my mom at the cabin | I completed the Blog Life e-course by the Elsie and Emma from A Beautiful Mess, it was so great and taught me so much. Currently working on implementing the things I learned | reading by the pool on a night that wasn’t horribly hot | exploring the area surrounding my family cabin | my mom and I getting excited to leave for said cabin, and happy to be getting away from the heat | I went to see The Fault in our Stars. While I cried through the whole movie, it was still a happy day because the movie was beautifully done, and so true to the amazing novel.

Join me on this challenge, won’t you? What makes you happy?

Truly,
Callie leigh

Keep In Touch.

Image

Hello, World.

As colleges end their semesters, and summer begins, its important to make sure you are maintaining friendships with your “college friends.” As I was walking across campus the other day, I heard some students talking about how they were sad that summer was coming because, unlike in high school, everyone would be heading off in different directions. College is different than high school because for one, you haven’t known your friends for most of your life, and you also probably don’t live super close to them when you’re in your hometown. I live roughly three hours from my college friends, and states away from some. It’s a weird concept, and it’s hard to adjust to the first summer after college.

I feel like keeping in touch with people is something I’ve always struggled with to an extent. Unless I’m dating you or you’re family, I totally suck at texting frequently. I’ve gotten better since being in college because, well, you have to get better at maintaining communication if you want to have friends when you return in the fall. One of my friends and I always talk about how college friendships are different because they tend to develop much faster than normal friendships, and your friends in college become your family away from home. Therefore, it is important to keep in touch over summer when people are busy with jobs, internships, summer classes, family plans, travel, etc. Over the past year (roughly), I’ve learned some good ways to stay in touch with college friends.

staying in touch friends

Group texting // While some people may hate group texts, I think they work well because you can text everyone little summer stories, and catch up with everyone quickly. It also is fun because it helps keep your friend group dynamic going throughout the summer. Also, you’ll have some great inside jokes form that can carry into the school year.

Virtual Coffee Dates // In an age where FaceTime and Skype are common forms of communication, set a time with your friend to have coffee over the interwebs. Set a time, get the coffee you want, and catch up as you would if no distance was separating you!

Call When You Need To // Be honest about how your summer is going. I had a terrible summer last year, but I kept trying to convince myself it wasn’t really that bad, and I continually told people everything was great when it wasn’t. Let’s just say when I got back to school, and some things had gone south, it was obvious I didn’t have the summer it seemed, and that was hard to face.

Handwritten Letters or Postcards // Going on an awesome trip? Send your friends a postcard. Not going anywhere cool? Write your friends a letter about how summer is going, random thoughts you had, or something cute you made for them. Handwritten letters are dying, but this is definitely something that’ll show your friends that you’re thinking about them, that you care, and will be a memento for them to cherish forever!

How do you keep in touch with the people you love but are far away?

Truly,
Callie Leigh

December Recap

Hello, World.

Happy New Year! We are now officially in 2014, but before I dive head first into a brand new year, I wanted to recap the final month of 2013. December was a rather mediocre month, but Christmas happened, and I love Christmas. I love coming home so I can spend time with my family, but I miss school after a week or so. I head back on Sunday, and I’m so excited. Last year JanTerm was my favorite part of the year, and I hope this year will be the same.
Image
1) Finals happened, and they went well, despite the normal lack of sleep, unhealthy intake of coffee, and unbearable stress that usually comes with them. I only had one “final exam,” but I had three huge papers in my other classes. I survived, and my grades came out strong, but I really do despise finals.
2) I visited my roommate and best friend’s family to help decorate their Christmas tree. That was a great day, even though I just about had a mental breakdown in the evening when I realized I hadn’t gotten any studying done, and I had my big exam in one days.
3) My amazing friends bought me coffee because I survived my Biblical Literature final. Gosh I love them. They know the way to my heart.
4) I came home for the holidays. My mom has the best tree around. I love being home during Christmas, and I just love Christmas in general. I feel like everyone is happier during the holidays, and I feel like everyone is gearing up for a new year.
5) My sister got a puppy! A little cocker spaniel named Molly Mae. She is the sweetest thing, and I had a blast babysitting her for a few days of break.
6) While home, I got to hangout with three of my friends from high school, Lindy, Nick, and Rossy. This picture is of Lindy and I when we had our Christmas movie night, and caught up. Not pictured is when Nick and I baked cookies, watched movies, and hung out. Rossy and I had coffee, gluten free coffee cake, talked for hours, and watched Gossip Girl, the show we loved all through high school, and would talk about in class!
7) My sister and I got our nails done together! I got pretty traditional Christmas-inspired nails, and my sister did the Stiletto Nail look in a pretty purple with glitter and black! I like having my nails done. Chipped nails are kind of a pet-peeve.
8) My mom’s best friend, and my long-time mentor and inspiration visited! She’s always encouraged me, and always assured me I wasn’t some terrible writer that would end up in a cubicle writing the business letters for a company I hated. That may be a reality someday, but she convinced me every time I see her that it probably won’t happen.
9) Christmas! This Christmas was mellow, and filled with family and cute holiday jammies. It passed too quickly, but I had a great day with my family and the new puppy.

This month was good, but I am so excited to say goodbye to 2013, welcome 2014 with open arms, and move into JanTerm. Hope you’re having a great day, and the New Year’s hangover isn’t too terrible.

Truly,
Callie leigh