Sometimes it’s hard to feel confident. Being in new environments can really affect people’s confidence and ability to feel secure. I think law school is one of those places that makes people feel unsure about a lot of things. Being in an environment with competitive people, and a lot of people who were the tops of their college classes, or who have done a lot of really great things in their time off, makes you feel inadequate at times. I think a lot of people think I’m confident, or at least I’ve had a good amount of people tell me I am, but to be honest 90% of my confidence is forced. I have insecurities, just like everyone has insecurities. I over analyze things, I get my feelings hurt but small things, and I try really hard to keep my head up, even when I am completely unsure and insecure about my surroundings. I think it’s hard to feel confident when you are unsure about aspects of your life. Life is a cycle. A few months ago, I was a senior in college, feeling like I could do anything because I had multiple leadership positions, was one of the “oldest” people on campus, and knew a ton about how navigate the scene easily. Now, I feel like I’m at the bottom again (because I am). We also have to work our way up to get to the next step, and then once we get there, we downgrade to be at the bottom again before working our way up to something else.
It’s hard, you know, walking around law school feeling like maybe you aren’t as qualified or as smart as the guy or girl constantly raising their hand and good points in class. Or the person who got chosen for the position you desperately wanted. When I chose William and Mary, something that I desperately wanted to be involved in was honor council, and I applied, and got an interview. And then I didn’t get the position. I was crushed. I cried, I called my mom, and I felt like a child. But then I talked to my dad, and I realized that this gave me opportunity to explore other things that I may be more interested in. I had the chance to reevaluate, and I had the chance to realize maybe during this climb I wanted to focus on having fun with friends, excelling in classes, and making personal connections that I didn’t really make my first year of college. But again, not getting a position I wanted so badly was crushing, and scary, and made me question myself. Confidence is not easy, especially when you feel like you just took a major hit to the gut. There have been a few things that haven’t panned out exactly as I imagine them, and while its a bit shaking, it gives the opportunity to really evaluate what I want and move on.
We have to fake it until we make it, and sometimes faking confidence can lead to actual confidence. I think part of faking confidence is focusing on things you have the power to improve. If you’ve always wanted get in a better work out routine, take time to do it. If you’ve always wanted to do something, take a moment to do it. When we can improve the areas of our life we feel need a little attention, it makes us feel more confident because we’re accomplishing something, even if its not directly related to the aspects of our lives that are making us uncomfortable. So, take a little time to figure out what you want, and go for it. And even if you feel uncertain, keep your chin up!