One of the biggest points of confusion to me is all the mixed feelings women get about how to treat other women. We’re told to stick together, and support each other. But then we see headline after headline about which female celebrities are throwing major shade at each other. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, anyone? Kim Kardashian is dubbed one of the best well-liked mean girls in the Hollywood scene, getting angry with people who comment on her partiality to nudity. People comment one who is promoting feminism and female empowerment “right,” whether through being okay showing off a body or deciding to keep it all covered. At the end of the day though, people love a little girl feud. People take sides, some people hide behind negative instagram comments or tweets. It’s all a bit unclear. Are we supposed to unite and wave the banners with #girlpower scrawled across them or are we supposed to shade and out do each other?
In my opinion, we need to stop caring so much about what other women are doing “wrong”, and instead focus on what we’re doing right. We have the ability to draft a narrative about how women treat each other and how we interact. Women need to chill, and spend less time critiquing. Is it weird to remember that the Kardashian empire began with a leaked home video? A little, but is it okay to remember that Kim took advantage of the leak, and made her family in to one of the biggest families to date. For every hater, there are three people who love them, thus giving them their fame. Now I’m not trying to make this all about the Kardashians, but they seem a reasonable example of the mixed narratives women in the media receive.
Today, I want to talk about the fact that we are all capable of being our own girl boss, and we are capable of greatness, and I can guarantee if we were supportive of other women, rather than constantly tearing them down, we would likely live in a more positive and productive world. Every woman has insecurities, and those insecurities normally manifest in the form of a critique of another woman. For example, I’ve heard so many people say, “ugh I hate that she does that. Can you say slut?” Or “she’s always going out. Like so trashy.” For the purposes of full disclosure, I’ve definitely made judgemental comments about people, but those judgements are usually coming from a place of insecurity. We’re all probably guilty of judging other women, whether vocally or internally. Over the years, I’ve been friends with extremely judge-y people, and it’s exhausting. I find myself constantly being like, what they’re doing isn’t affecting you in anyway so why do you care so much? Or saying, you don’t know why they do what they do, and frankly it shouldn’t matter. To people criticizing others, I say “they can do whatever they want, just as you do you,” because everyone is entitled to live their life the way they want to, and it’s never our place to judge. It’s tiring constantly having to stick up for people I don’t even know, but I’m sure it’s even more exhausting for the person constantly judging others. Honestly, when you’re openly judgemental all the time, it actually makes you look like the “bad one” in any given situation. Often you end up looking bitter, trying to dull others’ ability to live how they want. It’s actually a huge turn off for friends, for other women, for everyone. To be honest, the most judgemental people I know are also the most insecure.
On the flip side, it’s hard when we let other people dictate how we should be. There’s so much pressure to fit a mold. If you’re in college, you should probably be going out, dressing up for themed parties, and you should probably go Greek if your school has the system. I highlight probably in the previous statement because that’s the idea of college women instilled by the media. College women are not a uniform breed. They look different, act different, and are different depending on each individual college woman. And that’s 100% okay! When we say “oh she’s goals.” or “oh her style is goals,” it can breed damaging standards we feel obligated to achieve. It’s okay to be inspired by someone, but you’re still your own unique, awesome person and should embrace what makes you you. No one wants 40 versions of one person, but rather 40 unique people who each have something great to offer. Be your own goals, be your own person, and encourage women who embrace the “you do you boo boo mentality.” We need to begin building each other up, really truly supporting each other. This can be done by trying not to judge others, limiting the “shit talking,” and refusing to partake in gossip.
We should start just doing more for ourselves, and give less attention to the people we spend time critiquing, giving negative thought, and just being too hard one. We’re all dealing with our own stuff, we all handle life differently, so stop being so hard on other people. For every negative thought you give someone, just remember they could easily think the same about you, and I doubt anyone wants negative thoughts being directed at them. So, rather than putting energy in tearing other women down, put energy into building YOURSELF up. Think about what you want, and how you can achieve it. Put energy into hitting the gym, eating better, doing things for you, whatever that may be. And build your own empire, whatever that looks like for you.