I know I haven’t been blogging much this semester, and that really saddens me. Essentially, I had a moment at the beginning of the year in which blogging lost its appeal. I started having major self-doubt. This is the one space I have that is completely my own, it is what I make it, and it is the one space that I have that is unrelated to my academic career and everything else I do. Now, I know it’s not totally unrelated, but what I mean is that this is the space that I have completely because I enjoy it. I do blogging for me, and for blogging’s sake. I love blogging, but some things sort of turned me off to blogging for a bit. But alas, I’m back with a renewed sense of purpose and love for this space. So, my apologies for my absence, I plan to get back to blogging consistently.
I wanted to start this post with an update about my senior year of undergraduate education. This semester’s been a whirlwind, and not in the best way. This semester I have the LSAT, my sister’s wedding, my thesis, my role as an RA, my role as AHC co-chair, law school applications, and then my social life. I have a little too much on my plate, and on top of that, I’ve been sick twice (which is HIGHLY unusual for me). I think my body is boycotting the level of stress I typically operate under. But alas, round one of LSAT didn’t go as planned, so I will be retaking it in December right before finals. The law school applications themselves are going well, though I pushed back my submit date in light of my first LSAT score. My classes are not the best I’ve ever taken, but I’m doing well enough. My thesis is amazing, as I love my adviser, and I feel confident the finished project will be strong and something I’m really invested in. My sister’s wedding was probably the best day in years. It went beautifully, and it was so much fun! I plan to share lots of photos and a few thoughts about it later this week. Being an RA is going great, I love my new building! AHC is busy, but I’m so passionate about it and invested in the mission of the Council, that it’s worth all the hours of work.
Now for my social life. Senior year is difficult on this front. Everyone is super busy, which I totally understand. The hard part, though, is that I live alone. I don’t have roommates who I see because I live with them, and I don’t have the luxury of spontaneously getting coffee with my friends late at night because we’re stressed and have hours of work left. I have to plan social time. The difficult part is that everyone is busy, and frankly, most people assume I’m busy or unavailable. People also seem to invite me to things more as an after thought when I ask them if they’re free on Fridays. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get that everyone is busy, but it can get really lonely not having roommates. Some of my friends say I’m lucky because I have alone time. This is true, but only so far. There are nights when I order in because all my friends are getting food with their roommates, or going to a movie, and I can’t go because I’m working or have something the next day. I probably sound whiney, and maybe I am, but loneliness is different than solitude. I’m okay with solitude, but loneliness can be taxing on a person, especially when that person is already extremely stressed, and no longer feels like they have a solid support system. I’m also having some majors feels about the fact that my friends and I are graduating in May. It’s only November, and I already feel like we’re going in a 100 different directions. I’m scared for what the future holds, and I’m anxious about which law schools I’ll get into. I’m also on the cusp of a major change (if I end up on the East Coast for school, or move to a totally new area). The idea of being separated from all the people I’ve grown to love over the past three years is nerve-wracking, so maybe that’s why I feel more mopey than usual. I don’t want to separate from them now, I want to have until May 22nd, and yet I feel this inexplicable distance.
To clarify, senior year is going great in a lot of ways, but I’m also getting a bit emotional and nostalgic as I realize this is the beginning of the end. This is my last year at Saint Mary’s. Man, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Sure, I wish I felt more supported in certain ways, but my RA family understands the lonely aspect, and my parents call daily to check on me and assess my stress level. I’m thankful for those who do make an effort to see how I’m doing, and who actually hear me when I bemoan loneliness, the LSAT, or stress. Senior year can be hard, so remember self-care is extremely important. Remember, you’re not a robot and you’re not perfect, and it’s completely okay. Surround yourself with laughter and friendship and understanding, and you’ll make it through. I look forward to finishing the semester strong, figuring out where I’ll be next year, and looking ahead to another great adventure. Saint Mary’s is a fantastic place, and I’m cherishing the last academic year I have here.
What’s been stressing you lately? And how do you handle the stress?