With the New Year approaching in the next few days, I wanted to do a tea talk. I originally planned to do “new beginnings,” or “reinventing yourself,” or something equally as New Year-esque and cheesy. Every year, I always think I’m going to start over, change everything completely, and become a whole new person, but the past defines us, and I wouldn’t be me without everything that happened in 2013, and every year before that. So, this year I’m changing things up a bit, and instead of talking about new beginnings as totally new, I’ll be discussing moving forward. I wanted to do a 2013 review, so I figured this would be a great space to review my year, and discuss moving forward. 2013 brought a lot of change, as I discussed in my talk on change. If I was to write this post at the beginning of the year, or even halfway through, it would read much differently. The first half of 2013 was awesome, with some downs, but mostly ups. I was completely satisfied with school, so happy I ended up at Saint Mary’s, I had great friends, my first play placed in a script contest, and I even found a little love. But then summer came, and despite the fact that everything in summer is supposed to be easier, everything got harder. Much, much harder. My dad was sick all summer, my sister’s best friend from high school passed away, and I lost love in a matter of weeks. To top it all off, fall semester was by far the hardest semester I’ve ever had in my entire academic career. But despite all of that, I loved being a WOWie, and I absolutely love the people I have in my life at the moment. They are truly amazing.
Somewhere in the midst of the semester, things started looking up, as they always do after a spell of bad luck. Thank goodness! I’m always nervous that things aren’t going to get better, but what I’ve realized is that things take time so we must be patient. 2014 is a brand new year, and I’m so excited to take all the hardships I’ve gone through this year to make a better me. Time changes everything, and it only took 3 months this summer for my entire life to change, to alter ever so slightly, ever so quickly, that for most of the semester I was left wondering what the hell happened, and why I was screwed over so hard. I’ve never felt so lost before, but I think 2014 will be year of self-discovery, and moving on from a past that seemed horribly important, but really, was just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things. I’m tired of being unsure, and I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong, and like I somehow deserve all the crap that’s gone wrong in the past year. So it’s time I take control of my life, and start choosing me. Moving forward can mean a lot of different things to different people. For some, it really is starting over, moving to a new place, and changing themselves. For others, it’s simply changing a specific thing, like your morning routine so that you start each day anew.
For me, moving forward is going to entail accepting my past, but no longer trying to change it. It’s going to mean working out everyday, and refocusing on schoolwork, and it’s going to entail being happy, and not feeling sorry for myself. Moving forward is also going to mean changing some things, like whom I allow in my life, and whom I don’t. John Green once said, “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you.” This year, I’m taking this seriously, and no longer accepting people in my life who do nothing but break my trust…and my heart.
Moving forward feels amazing, and I’m a firm believer that nothing good comes from living in the past. Your past is your past for a reason, and if someone or something was meant to be, it would have been, so don’t get hung up on the “what if’s” or the “could have beens,” because a new year means new chances, and if you’re still living in the past, you’ll miss everything that could be.